Farts and Frogs

I am not sure what they are teaching first graders these days, but I know it is not the basic common sense things that they should be learning. I have two examples of the complete lack of common sense in these younger grades.

First, I had to teach a group of first grade girls an incredibly important lesson. It all started when one girl accidentally farted and the whole group (including the guilty party) began laughing uncontrollably. The one who dealt it, decided that she wanted to make everyone laugh again so she started trying to fart, and the other girls in the group were trying to push a fart out as well, because of course they wanted to be funny too. As any sane person could see, this was not headed in a good direction. I kindly explained to the group of first grade girls that they should not try to push a fart out because sometimes poop comes out instead. They were shocked and gave me one of those looks, like I had just opened their eyes to a world they never knew existed. Thankfully after that revelation, they ceased fire on the fart front and went on to another activity.

The second instance of a lack of social etiquette involves a scene that I walked past in the hallway yesterday. A teacher had taken a little boy out of class and was chewing him out screaming,

“Why were you crawling around the room like a frog?!! I don't care what you do at home, but when you are here you will follow along with the lesson.”

What advice would I give to this kid: push a fart out quick and use the distraction to hop to safety!