Oops, Did I Say That?

Sometimes I wonder if the kids are even listening to me when I talk. I am pretty sure this is a common question in many teachers' heads. Luckily for me, all my doubts about how well my classes listen were proven wrong one day last month...

Sometimes, I say things to a class that a little off-the-wall. This particular day, I happened to insinuate to a class (fifth or sixth grade I think) that I lived at the nearby park with my wife and son. I believe my exact words were, "I am a hobo, and I live at Freedom Park down the street."

Now I am sure most kids knew I was joking, because they were laughing (which is the reason I said it), but about a month later, I was at that school again and walking a class down the hall, when a kid yelled at me from the end of the hall, "Hey! You're the guy that lives in the park!"
I smiled an waved, laughing to myself at how gullible kids are.

I guess I better be more careful in the future as to what I tell my classes...

What is the craziest thing you ever told a kid?

Recess Tetherball: We Meet Again!

When I was in elementary school, tetherball was my game. I played it everyday at recess and became quite good. I loved it so much that my parents put in a tetherball court in our backyard for my 13th birthday. All this to say that I am no amateur when it comes to the wonderful game of tetherball.

Yesterday, I took my third grade class out to recess and I was challenged by one of the little girls to a game of tetherball. I accepted, knowing that I would have to take it easy on the girl. After playing for a few minutes, I realized that if I did not step up my game, I was going to lose... quickly. So I let my notions of "taking it easy" go to the wind and I stepped up my game to a whole new level, holding nothing back. I hit the ball hard and used my height as an advantage (I was at least two feet taller than the little girl). The sad thing was that with all my advantages, it seemed that it was still a toss up as to who would win this game. I knew in my heart of hearts that I could not, under any circumstances, lose at MY game to a third grade little girl, so I gave it everything I had and finally hit the ball so hard and at the perfect angle to wrap around the pole high above the girl's reach. Perhaps this was a dirty way to win the game, but I had to do something; my honor was on the line. Right after I creamed the little girl, another girl challenged me to play against her. By this time, my energy was just about gone (apparently it takes a lot of talent to beat a kid in tetherball these days).  I told this new contender that I had to supervise the other kids at recess, so I wouldn't be able to play her. This quick thinking probably saved me from what could have been the most embarrassing moment of my life.


Share about a time you were beaten at your own game.

The British are coming! The British are coming!

Several months ago, I was subbing for seventh grade math. As I was passing out papers, a girl raised her hand and asked to go to the bathroom... in an English accent. I let her go, but while she was gone, I wondered if she had pulled a fast one on me and was not actually from England. Just in case, I listened to her the rest of the class and tried to catch her using the wrong accent, but her voice sounded just like the characters in Doctor Who, Robin Hood, Sherlock and Downton Abbey (all the BBC shows I watch), so by the end of the class I was convinced that she was in fact English. But then as she left, her charade fell to shreds as I overheard her talking to her friends in a normal American accent. I will admit that I had been fooled, but at the same time I was truly impressed that a 13 year old girl would have the guts to talk in a fake voice to a teacher, and that she got away with it.

Today, I was reminded of this story when a seventh grade girl at a different school was talking to me in an English accent. Don't worry, I was not fooled again. I just smiled to myself, knowing that she was a fraud, and that I knew her secret.

What was the craziest thing you ever said to a teacher?

Shame on you!

Today was a great day teaching sixth grade English. To start with, the writing prompt for the bellwork was “The car was speeding” and one student (who shared aloud to the class) ended up writing a basic plot line of the movie Back to the Future. I'm not sure whether to congratulate him or fail him for plagiarism. Either way, it was pretty funny.

Now most kids work on exactly what they are supposed to while having little conversations here and there and the occasional reminder from the teacher to get back on task. I do not mind this at all, but there is another type of student. This student sits there and talks and does not put one word on the assignment he or she is supposed to be working on. It just so happens that I had four of these students in my fifth hour today. When I realized 45 minutes into class that they had neglected to begin the worksheet, I announced to the class,

“For those of you who have nothing written down on your worksheet, shame on you... in fact, shame upon your families and shame upon your children and your children's children!”

One boy was a little shocked to hear that and started screaming “Whoa Whoa Whoa, you can't put shame on me!”

To which I cordially replied, “I'm just proclaiming the shame, you are the ones who brought it upon yourself. Now do your work.”

Welcome to Hell

I was subbing for senior English at the high school. I am not always sure where my inspiration comes from (perhaps too many caffeinated beverages), but this particular day, I was in the zone (you can decide if that is a good thing). I started my final class of the day with, “Hello, my name is Mr. Miller. Welcome to Hell” (completely stern face), then I cracked a smile and the whole class broke out in laughter. I handed out the assignment, which was a 50 question worksheet with questions about William Shakespeare. After awhile, students started asking me for answers to some of the questions they were having trouble with, and instead of just telling them that I was not allowed to give them the answers, I made up really absurd answers and announced them to the class. One question was, who was the greatest script writer of Shakespeare's day, and I told the class it was Walt Disney. I also announced to the class the answer to number 50, What is Iambic Pentameter? “A rare flesh eating disease.” I thought I was hilarious and then I realized that a number of the slacker students were writing down each thing I said as their answer. I decided not to let them in on the joke and have their teacher fill them in when he returned.

Quote of the day from today: “Wow Mr. Miller, you know everything!” - delusional 2^nd grader

Question of the Day:

What was the craziest thing a teacher ever did in one of your classes growing up?

A Whole Class Swearing at the Teacher

This one is a doozy! I was subbing for high school pottery class (not something I would recommend in retrospect), and it was second period and I was reading through the attendance lists for the rest of my classes for that day. At the start of every class period, I have to take attendance for the class by calling out each student's name. This would be fine, except that the names parents are giving kids these days are not always easy to pronounce. Therefore, a good look through early in the day gives me time to decide how I will read their name during roll call. Well as I read through the names for the classes after lunch, there was one name that I could not figure out what to do with, because everything I learned from school and Hooked on Phonics was telling me that the correct pronunciation of this young person's name sounded exactly like the F-word.  I texted several friends during lunch for advice on how to deal with the coming storm, and most of them just laughed in disbelief at how weird of a situation this was.  When it came to it, I decided that I could not read this name out loud. Not only is it against school rules for teachers to swear in class (let alone, the most offensive swear word there is in the English language- poor kid), but I also am very uncomfortable swearing in the first place. So when I came to this person on the roster, I said, "I'm probably going to butcher this pronunciation, so I'll just spell it out." Then all the kids in the class started saying things like, "Oh, that's F***"; "F***, F***, F***." and I really couldn't get them in trouble for saying someone's name, but it was very awkward for me. It ended up that the student was from another country where his name is quite common. Also, I found out later in the day, during a different class, that he went by Charles (funny how he neglected to mention that during class). If I have him in class again, I'm just going to say Charles.

Join this story by posting a comment of the most unusual name you have heard (in school or anywhere else that people with crazy names are traveling about). Post the name and where you met this person.

Funny Posters

For your Sunday viewing pleasure, I present to you some funny posters that I found on the wall of one of the high schools that I sub at.

The next two pictures are caricatures that two students made of their principles the day I subbed for an art class: